She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
