Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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