Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
