I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
