what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
