The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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