saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They are going to name an STD after you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
