i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he quoted the bible to break up with me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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