Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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