defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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