I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
