OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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