That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
