The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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