walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
