the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
