yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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