Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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