We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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