....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
