He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
