Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
