Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize