is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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