She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
