Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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