Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
