meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
