Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
