why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
