and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
