i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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