Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
