I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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