I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
