I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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