Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
