Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
