Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
