hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
