Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
