Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
