the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
