I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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