I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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