i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize