to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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