I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
