Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
