Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
