so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
