there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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