If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
