I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
