Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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