And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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