I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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