I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
