I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Who died my cat blue again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize