all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
