I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
