Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
