So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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