tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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