How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
