I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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