so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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